When 'Helping' Just Ain't Helpin' Anyone
Have you ever invested time and energy into helping someone you could see sototes needed it… Yet found the more you gave, the less they seemed to want to help themselves?
(Majorly frustrating situation right there.)
It may not be want you want to hear, but often we bring this burden upon ourselves…
Being a‘care-giver’ by trying to run someone else’s life or enforce help,when it hasn’t actually been asked for is, well, a bit mad really.
The first step to recognising this is to let go of the belief that you are responsible for another’s wellbeing.
It’s not true. And no matter how much you might love the person concerned, it doesn’t become any truer. For if you do all the worrying and action-taking, you’re taking the onus off said individual to do anything at all.
It’s often said that people have got to reach their own personal pit of despair before they get to a place where they are open and willing to make the necessary changes.
This can be painful to watch and for some isn’t a speedy process either. In the context of an addiction, to a substance or perhaps in the instance of an eating disorder, the sufferer may have to hit their own ‘rock bottom’in their own time. It is often said you need to allow the sufferer space to receive the gift of desperation.
Intervention has the potential to take away receipt of this gift.
Whether you have the urge to help someone with a problem like the above, or are simply trying to get your bezza out of a crappy relationship because her boyfriend’s a bit of a wally, the key to helping those who don’t desire your input is… DETACHMENT with love.
Detaching doesn’t mean you have to eject the person from your life.
It means caring enough about a person to let them experience the consequences of their actions.
So unless you see the SOS flag being waved, today is the day to stop saving people who do not wish to be saved!
You’ll be amazed by how much more timeand energyyou’ll find once you detach with love from those you are agonising over.
Hope this helps those of you who relate.
Love, Persia & Joey
Images by Annie Bui